Happy hormones!

Berry Mish Mash,
I'm listening to an awesome french jazz station online. Christmas happened this afternoon, K.D. and I showed up late and everything completely lacked the regular christmas feeling.
I finally started my period- thank god! However since it's been two months I feel horrible, all I want to do is sleep and cry. Birth control is a good thing, getting off it feels terrible.
Every holiday just makes me feel, I don't know the word. Empty? I'm debating taking antidepressants again, I got off them about two months ago or so. However I don't want to water down my life- feeling sad isn't the end of the world.
I have an interview tomorrow, so cross your fingers! I really need to stay busy and would like money to build up in my bank account so I can go on silly adventures and actualize all of my goofy day dreams. I just want to wander around a big foreign city. Show up to my friends houses unannounced in san fran and missippi.
Being single is very freeing, however it would be much more so if I had money. Ever since I moved back to Seattle I have been struggling with money and it makes me feel like a failure. I know that's ridiculous, and that many people are struggling but I feel like I shouldn't be. I just shouldn't, I'm smart and capable of so much, why don't I have more going on with my life? I ask myself these things but then I don't have an answer for what I want to do.
Well that's not true, I want to sing. I want to sing my heart out for everyone to hear, but lately I've just been stuck being sad and unproductive. I am meeting up with Charlee's drum instructor on Friday to talk about working on a project together. It's a song I got hired to sing but didn't have any musicians to play the track music. He plays everything and can record it all high fi. I looking forward to it, I just want to start actually doing things with my talent. And Chris (the guy) said that if we hit it off he would like me to sing for his other projects, he has been searching for a female vocalist.
My blues band is awesome, however on hiatus for the holidays and because we don't have a practice space or single time we can all meet. It will come together, I believe in this group because we all enjoy each other. It's fun, and singing blues is so incredibly appropriate right now.

I hope you're all full of smiles.