I think the hormones from my birth control are finally making my psycho, as I feared they would. Last night I couldn't sleep, at midnight I was laying in bed with my heart beating out of my chest, my blood pressure is all wonky and I was so anxious. I keep feeling really really happy and then boom I feel anxious and sad/stressed/shitty. Yes there are some stressful things, good things but stressful, in my life such as a brand new full time job, and still my old job.
I am going to be working 7 days a week, that's stressful. I am not going to have my life back until my credit card is paid off- I am punishing myself for my stupidity. Why did I think I could get a job in a city this big, in this economy? Toto I don't think we're in Rapid City anymore.
I keep having little emotional freak outs and trying to place blame on things in my life, then I had a realization yesterday that it's absolutely my birth control. So tonight after work, when I get down town I am going to go to Tenzig Momo and buy some kava kava tea, I'm going to drink that stuff all day long, I'll be nice and calm as two year olds that are supposedly "preschoolers" pee on my shoes. (yes, first day of work yesterday, that happened)
I want to feel even, mellow, not like a roller coaster. I also want to have sex with my boyfriend and not have babies. The thing about it is though if this makes me psycho enough I won't even have a boyfriend anymore, what a dirty trick. Darn biological versus economic/social needs.
On a lighter note, I wrote a song and even made up the guitar for it. I will only have a few hours a day to myself, unless I keep waking up before my 5am alarm like today- then I will have all kinds of time for myself. I love only getting mmmm 4.5 hours of sleep a night, yeah it's super.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to not go insane?
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